In today’s tough economic times, many American companies have been forced to diversify in order to stay in business. And how are they doing that? Selling cannabis.

VideoHelper is no exception. Several years ago, we attempted to open a marijuana dispensary of our own, promising that THC not only enhanced creativity, it also made our website, track descriptions and any nearby shiny, suspended objects much more entertaining.

This departure was short-lived as we encountered a few small obstacles:

At the time, weed was not yet legal at our locations. 

In retrospect, Texas, Singapore and Saudi Arabia weren’t the best choices for flagship locations.

Our clientele seemed to solely consist of undercover DEA agents (who are pretty stingy with tipping).

Our dedication to “stringent monitoring of product quality” resulted in supply shortages,

 erratic hours of operation and most of our Joint Chiefs of Staff (as we called our employees) thinking they were invisible.

But selling cannabis taught us one thing: people need an escape. Especially when the FBI breaks down your door. 

IGNITE, a collection of epic, dramatic and percussive hype tracks perfect for sports and world-changing events, guaranteed to generate excitement

 (or at least make people forget things like wars, Jake Paul

s gubernatorial run, the inevitability of death and/or yet another f-ing season of 

 features a variety of uplifting, sense-heightening musical highlights including 

, a sativa-dominant, driving, percussive onslaught of thousands of people clapping, stamping and creating a hotbox of euphoric excitement; to the blunt, psychoactive Zimmer-like cinematic bombast of 

; to the gritty, drunken stadium chants and claps of thousands of high-energy and chronically-stimulated sports fans of 

; to the jointly anxiety-inducing and catatonia-to-cachophony feedback-saturated strains of 

; all the way to the stressful, dark, angry Metal-meets-meth hybrid of 

, both of which aren’t tracks in our library, but should be.

So please sit back, listen deeply and allow the effects to wash over you, but avoid operating heavy machinery, making important life decisions or food shopping. Trust us.

Smokin' New Release

Last year, our drive to deliver for our award-winning clients resulted in incredible feedback.

 However, thanks to the remaining 97% of you, including ones who tipped horribly and complained about “incomplete pizzas,” “half-empty drinks” and “already-scratched out ‘McDonald’s Monopoly Game’ pieces,” Uber Eats fired us.

So in 2026, creativity is our main ambition, and to expand our innovative sound, we’ve unleashed some new composers

. Who, immediately upon unleashing, ran away and never returned. We think at least two were hit by cars.

This is our year to discover new creative directions and answer the timeless question: how’d every single person in our company get infested with lice?

 Seriously! We all work off-site. So please refrain from wearing any promotional hats or clothing we might’ve handed out for the past twenty or so years until we figure this out.

Now we’re itching (get it? But, seriously: get checked for lice if you’re a client) to announce the release of FIVE new albums!

: The perfect music for when perfection, tuning, taste and musicality are overrated. 

Join us for a collection of poorly-conceived, horribly-produced, and almost unlistenably-bad music. Take 

: An album of obviously (well, to some) tongue-in-cheek tracks that are perfect for today’s light, frilly and boring news cycle! 

From subtly funny to wakka-wakka, you’ll find something that will make you feel morally superior to our not-so-well-timed release of comedic tracks! We really should have read the room first. Or a newspaper.

: A multi-faceted collection of intense percussive Hip Hop, EDM and Pop

 perfect for hyping courtside action (basketball or divorce court), generating excitement, sports and generating sports excitement.

: The newest release in our long-form Aspect series

. Prepare yourself for cinematic and powerful musical interpretations of time and tectonic change. (And not Teutonic, as a typo on our website claimed. Sorry Germany.)

 In honor of the XXV Winter Olympics in Italy, an entire album’s worth of retro 70s Italian Punk perfect for anti-capitalist, anti-corporate and anti-authority sensibilities. 

Possibly the least useful Olympic tie-in we could have ever come up with! 

Another thing: why does every tenth pistachio taste horrible?

A Quinary Pentad of Music Releases!

Now that we’re done with the formalities, we did something stupid and waited until we released five damn albums to write a release letter.

 But don’t worry, this new panoply of albums covers every need a producer might have! Except insulin and the answer to “where exactly on a map is my pelvic floor located?”

An uplifting news album, just in case something good happens. Ever.

; to the “Kum Ba Yah” vibe of the Folk-tinged warmth and joy of 

; all the way to the inspirational triumph and celebration of 

, with its soaring melody and subliminal messages of “try not to kill each other;” all the way to the symphonic bombastic happiness of 

, powerful enough to make you forget that United States reading scores are down even though, as one teacher put it, “it’s ridiculous because we 

: A collection of informational, elegantly probing tracks, 

raising the question “does anyone ever want to be probed, regardless of how elegantly?”

From the inquisitive chamber string-driven Euro-News/Jazz-tinged percolations of 

; to the urgent-as-dysentery, forcefully percolating strings and guitars of 

; to the organic/technological estuary of pulsating acoustic/electronic instruments of 

, this album is perfect for any time you’re sitting on the fence between dramatic and neutral, unless it’s an electric fence or one of those spiky 

 things. If that’s the case, you should try the next album:

: Gritty, aggressive, hard-edged hype music for sports, competition, mud-filled truck commercials and invasive surgeries.

From the Grunge-tinged blistering guitar-driven anger and general irritability of 

; to the anthemic stomps/claps/chants of the growling and dangerous-sounding 

; all the way to the beer-swilling, barroom brawling Irish Rebel music of 

. [This album was originally titled “BLOODBATH AND BEYOND” until BB&B went out of business and the joke’s viability plummeted. Then BB&B returned and our proofreader gave up and quit.]

: Two Spanish-speaking albums spotlighting Latin heritage, covering a wide variety of genres (including Merengue, Salsa, Mambo and Huapango). One album filled with infectious Pop tracks and the other with gorgeous and heartwarming Folk-tinged melodies celebrating the Day of the Dead. Since we took French in high school, we can’t tell you which is which. Je suis désolé.

Highlights include the party-ready Reggaeton/Rap of the titular 

, promising sexy excitement without invoking Spin-the-Bottle PTSD; to the sweeping and heartstoppingly beautiful “puppies-and-sunrises” Folk acoustic strains of 

; to the swaggering, catwalk-strutting confidence of 

; all the way to the tongue-in-cheek comedic panache of 90s throwback 

El tejón está preñado. Debemos cometer perjurio!

By the time you’ve finished reading this, we’ll probably have released five more albums. I don’t know what’s wrong with us.

Release Fest

FIRST, we’re proud to announce our two newest releases:

Two albums filled with uplifting, infectious summer Pop jams

 – perfect for parties, feel-good morning shows, ads, entertainment and hot, sweaty nights (night sweats can also indicate rusty lung disease, usually caused by working in coal mines. Please see a doctor and/or an employment counselor).

There’s no better way to celebrate the summer than these two volumes of uptempo, bright and celebratory cuts

 that range from the “I forgot-the-lyrics” feel of the propulsive, bouncy, aggressively-positive 

; to the sassy, street-smart, Funk-filled, wake-up-in-an-ice-bathtub-with-one-kidney-missing feel of 

; to the dad-jeans-wearing, catchy-as-tuberculosis (but still can’t figure out TikTok) Yacht Rock of 

; to the shimmering, sadly-beyond-my-reach sexiness of the female vocal-driven confectionary sounds of 

; to the exciting-excitement EDM with a slightly OCD vibe of the excitedly “I’m so excited”-stating 

; all the way to the anthemic, arena-filling, epic power ballad of 

 that would even leave Meatloaf and Jim Steinman thinking they were underachievers. 

Both albums are on our site, ready for auditioning, downloading and harsh criticism!

SECOND, we’re thrilled to announce that we’ve finally finished the beta of THE VIDEOHELPER ONLINE EXPERIENCE™

 investment that we began in 2017 and is now proudly entering its last stages of completion after years of technical glitches and two unexplained deaths! We designed this immersive multimedia extravaganza to fully familiarize our clients, both new and current, with what it’s like to work with our company and to thoroughly communicate our ethos and creative identity.

More Than Two Announcements!

We’re sad to say that due to ecnomic cutbacks, we can no longer write seprate release letters for each new album

, as the person responsible for writing the letters has been sold for parts.

And although we been trying to make emails more graphically exciting, 

all we could afford was the “Creepy Clowns In Office” photo pack. We’re sory.

Additionally, our staff proofreader has also been let go.

But we’re happy to anounce our newest albums:

, a fun collection of retro/vintage tracks, and 

, a series of dramatic building cuts appropriate for trailers and apopcalyptic scenarios.

 covers all of your retro/vintage needs with tracks ranging from the psychedelic Blues that comes with implied muttonchops and fringe-covered vest of 

; to the stomping, angry and Motorhead-ed Classic Hard Rock of 

; to the life-affirming Southern Gospel Blues Rock of 

 that will stick in your brain like a parasite from drinking bad water; all the way to the excitement-inducing, propulsive, four-chord Glam Rock of 

 is a collection of breathtaking, dramatic peaces, from the intense, quiet-to-insane orchestral dynamics of 

; to the pulsing, intensely anticipatory train-based sounds of 

; to the stamping, growling, anthemic stadium-like/Industrial anger of 

, a simple, percamalating thought that musically transforms into a gargantuan, world-changing celabration, replete with excitement, dancing and cocaine-addled pandas.

* This isn’t our staff. But “FurryFest 2023” looked like it was an awesome time.

And yes, we’ve completely given the F up on trying to make this release letter remotely funny. We tried, but ultimately failed. We’re human. I mean, for Pete’s sake, we’re a music company. We miss every so often. Sue us.

Actually please don’t sue us. Our lawyer quit.

Creepy Clowns Anyone?

Hi! I’m Tammi, the new Marketing Manager here at VideoHelper!

Sometimes saying “I love you” can be hard.

 Especially when your true love keeps coughing up hairballs on your pillow, pees in every corner of your home and insists they drive better after 17 beers. 

Spring is the time for romance and the best way of expressing romantical stuff is through music.

 So we released two new albums perfect for that special someone, even if that other person doesn’t stop commenting on how hot your mom is for her age.

So we’re proud to announce the oddly-titled albums

 has a violin playing avant-garde music which sounds like cats in heat. I think opera is all romantic and I thought the singers normally sing much happier music than the way they do in 

, but maybe they’re German? I’ve had dates that could be described as 

 :-), and the scream-filled, not very sexy 

 reminds me of my first boyfriend, Brendan Scissorman. Or was it Wasserman? I forget. The creaking and whispering sounds of 

 feel spicy until all the creepy sounds come in. And like, by the time we get to 

, I’m all like “do these people even know what Valentine’s Day music sounds like?”

Celebrate springtime love with two new MODULES albums!

We proudly introduce our newest label: Aspect

. A collection of sweeping cinematic works that combines abstract textures, powerful melodies and arresting sound design to create a uniquely emotional and immersive experience.

A collaboration between award-winning French composer Florian Seraul and VideoHelper, 

Aspect is built around a simple idea: every album explores a fundamental concept (Waves, Light, Air), with each track expressing an aspect of that album’s theme (Rippling, Incandescent, Hypnotic). 

Our first three releases for this new label:

 channels the raw beauty and terrifying force of water in motion. From the dreamlike opening piece 

; to the Vivaldi-esque string-driven cascades of 

; to the tooth-rattling low dramatic tones of 

; all the way to the chaotic, dissonant “crap, I’ve been harpooned” strains of 

 gives voice to the unseen ever-moving element that shapes our world. From the opening heartbeat-driven swells and fluttering, celebration-filled woodwinds of 

; to the majestic, world-changing and awe-inspiring size and power of 

; all the way to the life-affirming, inspirational and soaring freedom of 

 musically harnesses the transformative power of illumination. From the hopeful and confident-feeling slow build of 

; to the sharp, dangerous-sounding fear of 

; to the glittering beauty and blossoming warmth of 

; all the way to the churning majesty and impending conflict of 

These three albums intriguingly combine classical instrumentation, contemporary sound design and cinematic textures, giving you a palette of colors and sounds previously unheard in the VideoHelper production music library.

Shameless SEO section: VideoHelper is a Production Music Library that makes production music, sound design and quite often fools of ourselves. 

We launched a new label!

Oh my god. Three weeks ago we released two new dramatic pop albums but I completely forgot I’m sorry but I was supposed to write the release letter but like stuff happened and I’m freaking out. This is a major screwup and I can’t let anyone here know (including the art department) so here’s what the albums look like.

 has a bunch of tracks, I think some have vocals, maybe. If I’m wrong, please don’t write and complain. 

 is another album. I hope this is enough to get you to go back and start using the music three weeks ago. I’m so screwed.

VH Announced Old Releases!

[NOTE: Due to the complicated and ever-changing political climate, our parent company has required us to redact any potentially controversial statements. Please respect our privacy and do not highlight any of the withheld material.]

The only thing we learned when we committed to ███████████████████ ████████████████████████████████████████████ was how to ███████████.

And many of you thought: isn’t that a protected constitutional amendment? ████? ██████████████████████████? No, seriously: ██████████ █████████████████. You can’t possibly be ████████████████.

██████████████████████████████████████████████████ █████████████████████. What’s more disturbing: ██████████████ ████████████████.

And inadvertently, we’ve managed to outrage both sides, the █████ AND the ██████. Both organizations are now boycotting our music because many have █████████████████████████████████████████, yet was still able to kill ██████████████████████████.

████████████████████████████████████████████████ █████████████████████. And if you can comfortably carry a 900-pound animal in your pants, you can do whatever you want.

But we need to make this perfectly clear: Most of us are ██████████████ ███████████████████████. Although we are equally unnerved by the time Bob Barker, host of “The Price Is Right,” hunted down and aggressively neutered the 80s band “The Stray Cats.”

However, studies show that laser gun use is on the increase (according to the appropriately-named “Pew Pew Research Center”).

But what we can’t cover up is our newest release: 

, a collection of Pop/Rock tracks that offers a variety of ways to suggest you’re having a modicum of enjoyment, celebrating or generating excitement ███ ███████████████████████.

From the “Lowrider”-esque Funk and attitudinal growling nonsensical lyrics of 

; to the Americana-meets-Hip Hop Country strut-worthiness of 

; to the cartoon-like and “get up and party naked” feel of the confusingly-named 

; to the intensely propulsive, shoe-gazing, Cure-appreciating, guitar-driven strains of 

; all the way to the feel-good, vocal-driven, road trip-ready, New Country strains of 

, we guarantee you find something that will remind you that the sooner you lay some music on your project the sooner you’ll be able to see sunlight again. █████████████████████!

This Article Has Been Redacted

The only thing we learned when we committed to 

taking heroic doses of mind-altering drugs like psilocybin to promote company-wide creativity

And many of you thought: isn’t that a protected constitutional amendment? 

Taking a buttload of drugs? Are you for real?

are you real? I think the drugs are kicking in

Sancta cacas! Nunc linguam alienam cogitamus. Fortasse scire possum quomodo cum animalibus loqui

I don’t understand the language I’m thinking in

And inadvertently, we’ve managed to outrage both sides, the 

. Both organizations are now boycotting our music because many have 

died from disease, such as Pacman Fever, which isn’t even fatal

For those of you who don’t know, a gnu is an antelope-like creature that populates the African savannah

. And if you can comfortably carry a 900-pound animal in your pants, you can do whatever you want.

But we need to make this perfectly clear: Most of us 

are so stoned we cannot feel our hands or even our feelings

. Although we are equally unnerved by the time Bob Barker, host of “The Price Is Right,” hunted down and aggressively neutered the 80s band “The Stray Cats.”

, a collection of Pop/Rock tracks that offers a variety of ways to suggest you’re having a modicum of enjoyment, celebrating or generating excitement 

, we guarantee you find something that will remind you that the sooner you lay some music on your project the sooner you’ll be able to see sunlight again. 

This Article Has Been Unredacted

Some of you might’ve noticed that EVERY SINGLE graphic element on our site has been replaced with pictures of chicken ophthalmologists

, which are now actual graphic photos of our staff. (Speaking of which, why didn't anyone tell me how pear-shaped the fisheye lens of my webcam was making me look?)

None of you noticed the breach. Sadly, none of our clients did either.

 And according to our IT department, this hack happened 

I’m not going to name names here, but a thorough security review shows that many of you responded to patently fake emails

 like “GUESS YOUR SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER AND WIN!”, “ENTER YOUR BANK ACCOUNT NUMBER TO SEE IF YOU’VE BEEN HACKED!” and “WHICH GOLDEN GIRL ARE YOU? ENTER YOUR FIRST PET’S NAME, YOUR CHILDHOOD ADDRESS AND MOTHER’S MAIDEN NAME TO FIND OUT!” 

I especially can’t believe you all fell for that last obvious phishing attempt, we Blanches are supposed to have a sixth sense about these things.

Even our cybersecurity company failed to intercede,

 mainly due to the fact that they were trying to download an attachment from an email claiming 

“YOU OWE THE GOVERMANT $543,242. INVOISE ENCLOSED.” 

This will not, however, affect the release of our two newest albums:

 Two collections of cues for informational/news and events, one dramatic/dark, the other positive/triumphant, both perfect for politics, elections, sports and world-changing events. And company-changing events like, oh, I don’t know US GETTING HACKED AND NO ONE NOTICING?

 ranges from the driving percussion-based, news-theme-like bed of 

; to the sophisticated, intrigue-filled and Elizabethan (frilly) white-collar-crime feel of 

; to the bombastic “the world is ending” feel of 

; all the way to the technology-run-amok tension of 

 ranges from the over-the-top pageantry and orchestral excitement of 

; to the proud, pulsing ego-fest that is 

; to the stately, determined and sweeping celebration of 

; all the way to the news-theme-of-your-dreams bluster of 

Whether the world is coming together or falling apart, these albums will cover our clients’ musical needs. We hope. Hopefully as well as our current site is covering their chicken ophthalmologist-related ones.

We've Been Hacked!

. Coins in a fountain. Primary colors. Feet in a yard. Bones in the ear. Dimensions. Jonas Brothers (talented ones). Surviving members of Led Zeppelin.

we can include “new albums in our SIMPLIFIED: PULSES series!” 

 all provide smaller, simpler and mood-setting rhythmic beds that don’t get in the way but still evolve and tell a story, making them perfect for promos, opens, long-form programming, and reality TV. 

Oh, hold it – I just thought of more threes! Beans in a salad. 

. Eye Blind. Sheets to the wind. Wheels on a tricycle. Strikes. Angles/sides in a triangle. Stomachs in an ostrich. Named elements in 70s R&B bands (minus Water). Times we’ve used the preceding Earth, Wind & Fire joke. Donald Duck’s nephews. Crown Races. 

. People in a crowd. (Ok, we admit there are some ‘third’s in there, but you know what we mean.)

 covers all of your tense, suspenseful needs, ranging from the bellowing, noir-ish 