We here at VideoHelper want you to be aware that the Swine Flu epidemic has claimed tens of lives this year and wish to remind all of our clients to take the following precautions to remain Swine-Flu-free:
•
Do not touch any letter and/or discs from us as Chuck, who’s responsible for all VideoHelper mailings, says he’s not feeling well and could be long dead by the time you read this.
• According to recent studies by the WHO, this strain is far more dangerous than the H1N2.But since two members are already dead and Pete Townshend is nearly deaf, we’re not taking any health advice from them.
• This swine flu is considered a Pandemic, which should be differentiated from a Pandademic, which has already claimed the lives of Ling Ling and Zhen Zhen.
• Wash your hands regularly.Washing them irregularly (Sterilizing them with a lit match, praying to Handizar, God of Cleanliness or licking them clean like a kitty) has been proven ineffective.
• Contaminated pork can host several strains of the influenza.Even more if it uses Evite.
•If you experience dizziness, nausea, headaches and high fever, please see a doctor, get diagnosed and let us know what killed Chuck.
• H1N1 has been proven to be fatal to the elderly.As has the passage of time.
• This virus has been found resistant to Amantadine, Palpatine and Jaxxon– primarily due to the fact that these are not drugs, but characters from Star Wars.
• The swine flu has three variations: A, B and C – which further cements the human-pig genetic connection, as apparently pigs use the same alphabet.
• Wearing a face mask will not prevent transmission of the disease, but will prevent people from eating, which may be fatal. While wearing one, you should avoid walking into banks as this exponentially increases the chance of being shot by police.
And for all you hearty remaining survivors, we have a new Pop disc for you!
Disc 38: POP DROP & ROLLis a collection of 60 new cuts (plus a variety of intriguing alternate/background versions online) that range from 60s Lounge, Rock, Swing, Glam, HipHop, Metal, Indie/Punk-Rock and many other useless and indecipherable musical descriptives!We’d talk about it more, but chances are you’ve stopped reading, because you are doing sarcastic backflips of joy or are regretting previous intimate contact with Chuck. The disc was released November 6, 2009.
We here at VideoHelper would like to wish you a happy, healthy season and would like to apologize for potentially killing so many of you.
