VIDEOHELPER STRUGGLES CHOOSING APPROPRIATE STAFF FOR NAB!
Hoping to avoid the mistakes of last year's - and the previous 10yrs’ - NAB Conference, VideoHelper is faced with the struggle of finding suitable staff members to send to Las Vegas to work in the company’s exhibition booth (#SL10316 – South Hall, Lower Level, “Soundtrack Central”).
The criteria were:
- Ability to hold (mostly) profanity-free conversations.
- Ability to make eye contact and not “nod out” mid-sentence.
- Negative drug screening in the AM, late AM, early PM and late PM.
- Legally able to cross state lines.
- Ability to recognize that “working the craps table” is not exactly working for VideoHelper.
- Report to the VideoHelper booth to work - and not hand out your resume.
- Accept and agree that VideoHelper will not reimburse for your personal gambling losses.
“I’m actually relieved that I was told to stay home this year” confided Louisa from product development. “My husband was really pissed when I came home married. So, like, this is like, a good thing, because I’m trying to save my marriages.”
“I don’t see why I’m being labeled irresponsible” said VH composer Leonard Bench. “I told them flat out last year, ‘If you bring me to Vegas I will gamble til I’m blind, drink til I’m deaf and pick up as many prostitutes as medically possible and I will use my company Amex card to do all these things’. And you know what? I did all those things. So really, who’s at fault here? I should be commended for my attention to detail and follow through.”
Rob Boyle from Marketing offered the following: “I’m so glad I made the cut. I can’t wait to get out to Vegas this year and represent VideoHelper at NAB. I’m looking forward to interfacing with clients, showing them all the new things we’ve got in the works, giving away some T-shirts and other fun stuff, and oh I want to lose my virginity.”
After an exhaustive ten minute process of deciding who qualifies to represent the company in a dignified and professional manner, we ruled out 98.65% of VideoHelper employees – including the two owners of the company – and it was decided that “Sweaty Aleekh”, the short order cook at VideoHelper’s favorite coffee shop and Ray, the guy we see sometimes in the elevator with the nice suit, would be chosen as the best candidates.
