In a precedent-setting decision in business law, VideoHelper Chief Executive Officer Stewart Winter has been legally restrained from representing his company in any public forum. Deemed “unsuitable” and “potentially damaging” to the company’s already tenuous public image, the company has taken action, as Winter has stated previously, “to staunch the bleeding, rectal fissure of public relations that I have created.”
As many may recall, Winter completely befuddled readers of the German business magazine
Das Business when he commented that “I love Europe because most of the countries are named after foods.” When asked to explain, he replied “You know, like Danish and Turkey.” When it was explained to him it’s Denmark, not “Danish” that was a country and that Turkey was not even in Europe, Winter replied “Well, I guess that just leaves Chile, then.”
VideoHelper’s publicly traded stock (NASDAQ: VHCD) fell 76% the next day.
Winter’s last publicly-released press release was for their newest disc, which only resulted in minor stock market losses:
“Sometimes you might not want to sonically disembowel, aurally violate or musically fist your audience into a stupor. For those less aggressive moments we’ve created
Disc 33, FACTSPLOITATION, a light drama disc.”
“60 cuts that will help make news, corporate videos, all-bunny knife fights and informational spots easier to cut. Divided into three sections, the first section, DRAMATIC /INTENSE /DARK, features lighter drama, including the more Fox News-than-Fox News sound of “Significance Hammer,” the stab-filled ‘Conspiracy,’ and the time-gets-all-twisted, trippy feel of ‘Container Search.’ The NEUTRAL /INFORMATIONAL section features cuts that move and imply activity while trying not to impart much emotion. Cuts include the technology-friendly ‘Encyclopedic Torrent,’ the IDM-esque and intelligent ‘Billions and Billions’ and the appropriately-titled ‘Colorless and Odorless.’ The final section POSITIVE /EMOTIONAL /PROUD /LIGHT section should be pretty self-explanatory, but for those of you with sub-protozoan IQs, it’s filled with cuts like the fast-paced, uplifting dignity of ‘Framing The Debate’ and the pipe-smoking, tote-bag carrying, turtleneck-wearing, positive PBS-tinted vibe of ‘Pageantry.’”
VideoHelper’s difficulties with Winter can be traced to a January 1998 interview where he claimed that his company protected itself against insolvency by “eating oysters and thinking about baseball.” Years later, the VideoHelper management still refuses to comment on what that might have even meant.
