We would like to thank the literally hundreds of you for all the supportive emails giving us suggestions, blush-inducing praise and requests for more explicit Nude Staff Photos.
But for some odd reason, we’ve also received more than one thousand anonymously-submitted questions relating to sex and health issues. Although we consider it a blind-leading-the-blind kind of situation, in the interest that our clients remain happy and healthy, we’re going to answer some of your confidential questions:
To Not Rick Green from Columbus, OH: If your genitalia has red bumps it’s Herpes Simplex. If your wife’s does not, it’s Herpes Complex.
To Confused in Ashboro: Don’t worry. An overdose of contraceptive pills will not kill your already-born children.
To Looking for It, ND: We have no idea what your wife is talking about. Are you sure she’s not talking about a “C-Spot?” That’s what people used to call a hundred-dollar bill. But to be honest, we have NO IDEA how money would’ve gotten in there.
To Locked and Unloaded, MD: Remember the famous saying: It’s not the size of the wand, but rather the magician and the size of his penis.
To Trying Something Nude in Baltimore: Wait a few months before mentioning the idea of a threesome to your husband again. Next time remember to include him as one of the three.
To Lone-Star Loner: Yes, truth in relationships is important, but not in phone sex. Next time leave out the part about the black socks, Styx t-shirt and night-brace.
To Hellllooo Kitty in MI: Well, we have two answers: First, our newest release is ScoreHelper:Disc 04, which will feature five new scores: the spy/action score of COUNTERDECEPTION; the ultra-modern, King-Crimson-esque, techno-noir THRILL KILL SEVEN; the light, European-tinged romantic comedy VILLA FIRENZE; the videogame-inspired, cartoonish, straight-to-video spy comedy THE CLUMSIEST SPY; and the epic action/romance/documentary THE RISING SUN. And for the second part of your question: you might want to declaw the cat first.
Watch for the release of our newest VideoHelper disc "OVERKILL," due out late July, 2006!
